Ridiculous

This is totally insane:

http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2008/11/29/walmart-investigation.html

People lining up starting at 9 pm the day before to get into a Walmart, then trampling an employee to death.

Really.

The Cosmos

I noticed a while back, in my bathroom, two tiny spiders. They live in the small space between the tub and the heat register. What caught my eye about them is that though they live there, just right above the floor, I never manage to vacuum them up when I clean.

Why?

Well, they make little webs, just above floor level, in that little space each night. In the morning, when I use the bathroom, there they are, in the centers of their tiny webs, hanging out and waiting for dinner to happen along. There they stay as I shave, etc. Sometime after I leave the room, go have coffee, they pack up their webs. Yes, when I come back they are gone. If I look carefully, I can find each of them, huddled back and resting on the black wall tile behind where they spin their webs. Two tiny, black spiders who each night make a web, then clean up after themselves and try to camouflage themselves away for the day against a black tile.

This morning a different thought hit me. I realized the only reason I haven't detached the hose from the vacuum cleaner floor piece and sucked these two up is that they amuse me. They are both still around simply as I find it amusing they build their webs each night, then clean them up each morning and try to pretend they are not there. "Nothing to see here. As you were. Move along..."

Makes me wonder if, perhaps, the only reason I'm still here is that somewhere in the cosmos, what I do each day amuses someone. I know I'll eventually tire of these two spiders, and suck them into the hose of the vacuum cleaner.

Makes me wonder how far away I am from the end of the hose....

Terrorism

Mumbai. Images and thoughts in my head. Sorrow for those who lost loved ones. Anger for the cowards we label as terrorists.

It's nothing new. Innocent, unarmed, people slaughtered in the name of some cause or reason. Cowardly attacks by those who cannot or will not stand against equal forces. Cowardly attacks by those afraid to attack the targets they actually protest against. Promoting fear. Justifying what in reality, they cannot.

Guilty.

Guilty is how I feel. Guilty as I know we purchase things from nations that support these activities. Supporting this behavior through our wallets while condemning it with our mouths. Cheap oil and goods, but at what price?

It has to end. I'm realizing, that starts with me.

Joie de Vivre

Joy of life. Zest of Life. Joy of Everything.

Seems a fitting title for a post, as I started this week "dans la belle province".

Worded differently, or perhaps as I would wish to word it - Enjoy life.

Your life.

I can think of no better advice than this on a cool, somewhat snowy, Wednesday evening. I know I am. I'm touched, honored and touched, once again surprised and thankful for all the comments and advice I received on my last post. Yes, I have more to say on that, but maybe in a day or so.

Joie de Vivre. Remembering the things that really count. Remembering to smile. To look for the bright side of a rainy situation. Remembering when you have it good. To pause and look around. Remember the beauty in nature. To see the beauty in people. It's there. You just need to look.

Inner Peace

Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice

Listening to some City and Colour. These lyrics from "Sleeping Sickness" got my attention. Got me thinking I about how I really need some rest. Some sleep. Regular, normal sleep. I'm trying to remember when I last slept normally over a long period of time. Without waking through the night. Without tossing and turning. I'm realizing this is the norm for me now. I also know I do not have the energy I used to. I've been busy at work since last Sunday. Odd hours, long days, lots of scrambling around. I didn't realize how tired I was until later today. Left work at 2 pm, headed for home, happy to be going there and relaxing tonight, when the announcer on the radio said something about it being Thursday.

Thursday!

How the **** did that happen? I was thinking Wednesday all day. Redirected myself and picked up my daughters for dinner (had swapped Tuesday for Thursday earlier this week). I felt my eyes closing once on the drive over to Oshawa. Was OK on the way back. I'm not as young as I used to be....

But, I'm not old either. I need to get myself to where I sleep better. Stop waking, tossing turning. For the longest time, it was the million thoughts swimming through my head after my separation and divorce, trying to make sense of it all. No dreams, just constant thought and a mind that struggled to connect all the dots, resolve all the pieces.

Now, no longer does my mind spin it's wheels, stuck in a puzzle with no solution. All that has been resolved. No, now it's crazy dreams. Bizarre dreams. Dreams in which I'm there, but so, so detached.

I think I know what I need to find. What I'm lacking. Inner peace. I need to honestly ask myself what it is that makes me happy. What I'd like to do. Where I'd like my life to go. I'm not sure how to find that answer, but my gut tells me I need to be quiet, not worry, don't think, just listen. I'll tell myself, when I can hear. Where the heck that comes from, I'm not sure, but I have learned to trust my instincts over the years.

Inner peace. And a good nights sleep ;)

Finding Me, 1 Year Later

This blog is over a year old! My first post was Nov 4, 2008. What a difference a year can make. 2 - 3 years really in my case, but really the last year. This last year saw a lot of change for me. I started this blog as I came out of one phase of rediscovering myself and transitioning into another phase. From accepting where I was and wondering where I could go to actually moving in some direction. From asking why to asking what now.

It's been quite a year. Mistakes and triumphs. I wouldn't have it any other way. Life.

I actually noticed I'd passed my one year blogging anniversary a week and a half or so ago, I've just been to busy to write anything about it. I'm actually happy the actual anniversary came and went without my noticing. That speaks volumes in itself. One thing I've learned again from this blog is that I like to write. I enjoy writing, so I keep posting. Exploring whatever is on my mind.

I'm not sure I've found myself. Maybe we never do. I do know I'm happy with myself, at least in most ways...we all have those things we could improve on (me, I'm socially retarded. Fortunately, people who get to know me soon realize this and remember to remind me that - hey, thanks, this is great - is a normal response, etc, etc). But, that's me, and some things are just how I'm wired. I kKnow what they are and that they are there is all I need. I can work around them if I know they are there.

So, what does a year do? I've remembered how much I like it outdoors, and have found more ways to get out and enjoy it. I've stepped way out of my comfort zone, and been rewarded for it. I've opened up more in discussing things I've before only held close to myself, which was pretty much everything. I've learned not to be so hard on myself. I always hold myself far more accountable than I hold others. I've learned to balance this out a bit, although I'm not sure the "others" appreciate it, as they got their responsibility back. LOL. I've learned, and been very surprised, that people actually like and read what I post here. Equally surprising, I've made some friends here. Hmmmm...Gives me an idea for a post sometime....

So, a year later, I'm still "finding me". Way more grounded in myself, and not feeling lost as I was before. No longer just a father, but now a father and myself (myself being, at the moment, some single guy, making his way through life, but really happy, especially as my new apartment is WARM. I froze a lot each winter for the last two years....)

As little hobbits in "The Lord of the Rings" oft point out - each journey starts with a single step.

I'm marching along...step by step....

Etch-a-Sketch

Remember these? Etch-a-Sketches? I enjoy reading other peoples blogs. They can make me think and sometimes they give me ideas. This idea came from the thought that sometimes it would be nice to have a reboot or an Etch-a-Sketch option in life. On the surface, it sounds great. Make a bad choice, invert, shake and try again.

In thinking about it further, life could be like an Etch-a-Sketch. I suppose I could invert my life, give it a shake, start over. Disappear. Start a new identity. Pretty drastic, but if you have used an Etch-a-Sketch before, you'll know that when you turn it over and shake it, well, it erases everything - both the good and the bad parts of your drawing. I think that's why we don't turn over the Etch-a-Sketches that are our lives. To do so would erase the good with the bad. I, for one, do not wish to do that!

So, on I go, filling in the little bits of the Etch-a-Sketch drawing that is my life. Maybe I can learn to use both those controls more smoothly and draw smooth arc's and circles, as opposed to these jagged bumpy lines I seem to draw sometimes. Not that these jagged lines aren't entertaining. Maybe in the end, they are just more fun.

Another Useless Fact

Worked overnight switching out some gear, home about 10 this morning, in bed around 11, back up a 2 this afternoon, as that's about how much I can sleep in the day, and they are doing construction next door to me, so lots of noise. Decided, since it was such a nice day, I'd take a hike down a trail near where I live. It was a cold, sometimes brilliantly sunny, sometimes snowing, but beautiful day. Thought I'd see what pace I could keep up, which leads to the useless fact part of this entry. I can hike at 4.5 - 4.7 km/hour. No problem. Go to know eh?

Georgia Aquarium

I spent most of last week in Atlanta attending a business conference. Mostly saw the inside of the hotel the conference was in, but the one evening the conference organizers had arranged an event at the Georgia aquarium. It's a really neat place. I did snap some photos, a few of which I'll share here.

They have a very large saltwater tank. In it are three whale sharks, some rays, and lots of fish. There's an acrylic tunnel you walk through so all these fish are around and above you.



Here's a shot looking across and up at a whale shark:



On the other end of the tunnel is a very large viewing wall. 2 foot thick acrylic holding back 6,300,000 gallons of salt water.



Lots of fishies in that tank:


The aquarium is in 5 pods, with various different themes. Here's random sampling of pics from some of the other areas:







If you are ever in Atalanta, check it out. I'll leave you with some friends:

Remember

Words

Words encourage, uplift, build

Words discourage, tear down, destroy

Words sooth, calm, reassure

Words panic, irritate, cause fear

Words speak truth, hold integrity

Words spread lies

Words triumph where weapons fail



Words do as we command them. What are your words doing?